


I've been gone... for a bit.

by MsHermia



Series: Post-Endgame Stories [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, BAMF Pepper Potts, Civil War Team Iron Man, F/M, Not A Fix-It, Not Happy, Not Steve Friendly, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Peter Parker Feels, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Protective Tony Stark, Spoilers, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 09:02:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18588052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsHermia/pseuds/MsHermia
Summary: THIS IS A SPOILER WARNING!I wrote this a couple of hours after watching the movie.THIS IS A SPOILER WARNING!Do not read if you don't (want to) know how Endgame ends. Keeping tags vague for now to avoid spoilers, read Note at the beginning for more information.After Endgame, Pepper Potts is still trying to cope with the world when she gets a visitor who's very different and yet very much the same compared to when she last saw him a couple of months ago. Steve Rogers has come to see her for the first time since he revealed the life choices he made to the remaining team.





	I've been gone... for a bit.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, THIS IS A SPOILER WARNING!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, this is not a Steve Rogers friendly fic. At. All. 
> 
> So if you LOOOOOVE Steve, let this be a warning to you, that you would probably not enjoy this work.
> 
> P.S. apparently I caught myself a troll. I'm liberal with using the deletbutton on trolls though, so just ignore it. That usually cripples their nasty little souls.

She was sitting outside by the lake, cross-legged on the dock, the lanterns on either side of her lit. She looked out across the lake like she did almost every day since _the_ day. The sun was setting in front of her. Soon it would just be her and the stars and the light of the candles. You'd think that months after that last battle she'd run out of tears by now, but it seemed she never would.

Life went on as it must and during the day she was as strong and dependable as she knew he would want her to be. For Morgan. For Peter. For their friends. The nights were a different matter. They belonged to her. It was when she was most grateful for FRIDAY, who'd alert her in time, whether it was Rhodey coming to check up on her or Morgan getting out of bed because she couldn't sleep. FRIDAY always made sure that Pepper had sufficient warning. She sometimes wondered, if Tony had thought this far ahead. If this was all him, still looking out for her and for their girl.

She closed her eyes, the sunset warm on her face, remembering the evenings they had spent right here. Just the two of them. When he would hold her, softly speaking to the baby growing inside her. When she would hold him in the nights he'd mourn for Peter. He had come back to her. He had come back for her so many times.

She wasn't sure what she would do when winter would come. She wasn't ready to let these private moments of mourning go. But most of all Pepper didn't want to risk Morgan accidentally finding her. That wouldn't do. Morgan could never see her like this. Tony wouldn't want their girl to see her holding on to her grief like that. Well, he wouldn't want her to hold onto her grief like this in the first place. But sometimes people didn't get what they wanted. That she knew all too well.

She rubbed the long sleeve of her jacket to carefully over her face to dry her cheeks. It had only been a couple of tears and she wasn't really done grieving for today, but her tears would have to wait, for she could hear feet shuffle behind her. She stretched her legs out in front of herself for a moment, reveling in the sweet pain the strech send through her limbs before she slowly got to her feet. Standing tall, her arms crossed in front of her, she was still facing the lake when she heard his feet come to a halt close behind her.

"What do you want, _Captain_?"

She turned to face him. As the coldness of her words hit him, he shuddered visibly.

"I'm sorry, Pepper. I probably should have come to see you sooner. I wanted to give you some space to... to grieve."

"Of course you did." She studied him, arms still crossed. Despite all the wrinkles and his fallen-in face, Rogers was still as recognizable as he always had been, that mixture of beaten-puppy-dog and morally-superior-superhuman written all over him. She had had time to prepare herself to face him, for he was slow and FRIDAY had had her back, had alerted her as soon as he came near the property. "I asked you a question. What do you want?"

"I've come to see you. To talk." He fluttered his lashes at her in what was probably supposed to convey compassion and sympathy. "I've... I've been gone... for a bit." He shrugged comically. His lips stretched out in an apologetic loop-sided smile that did nothing for her. "It's been many years for me, since the last time I saw you. But I never forgot. I was thinking of you and... and of Morgan all the time. All the time."

She kept her face carefully neutral, unimpressed by his monologue. He swallowed hard as if confused by her being distant, unaffected by his overrated charm. Could he really be that oblivious? "I just... I wanted you to know that without Tony... I owe him everything. It was his love for you and for his family that made me want to find my wife again. To take out a page of his own book and live the kind of life he treasured so much. Without his sacrifice-"

Maybe it was his old age that had simply made him slow and feeble. Or maybe he really was just that ignorant and clueless that he didn't see her hand coming as she slapped him across the face as hard as she could manage.

"How dare you come here and talk to me about him! To shove the long and happy life you've had with your wife in my face. Have you no shame, Rogers?! No ounce of decency left?!"

He blinked rapidly. His frail hand reached up hesitantly to rub his own cheek. "Pepper... I know this is hard for you, but deep down, you know that Tony wouldn't want that. He'd want you to-"

Again, she put as much force behind the slap as she could. This time Rogers did flinch back, but he wasn't fast enough to avoid her strike.

"Don't you fucking dare to tell me what Tony wanted! You want know what he wanted? He wanted his team to have his back, to help him protect this planet, to prepare for the ultimate threat that he'd seen coming for years. But you were too busy sulking over whether or not the UN would let you jump on every little human warlord you wanted. You wanted to be _free_ to pick and chose when and where to blow off some steam while questioning Tony's intentions and character along the way when you - in the end - didn't lose anything. Nothing. You called _him_ selfish and accused him to only be out for his own self-interest. You left him to fight alone with a young boy and a weird wizard who was ready to scarify both of them without a second thought." She was briefly startled from the sound of wheels on gravel echoed around them. An Audi came racing down the driveway, coming to a halt at the end of the dock. Whatever. She wasn't done here. Her eyes singled in on Rogers again. "Four short years with his daughter is all he got. In a world that was on the constant brink of crumbling under the pain, he wasn't able to protect it from. That's on you, Rogers. And you have the gall to come here, to his home, and tell me what my husband would have wanted?!"

Rogers had taken a couple of steps back, his eyes wide. "Pepper, please. I know you're hurting. You have every right to be angry at the world. I just want you to know that he didn't die for nothing. He inspired-"

"He didn't die for you, you asshole!" Her breath was catching in her throat. "He didn't have to die at all!"

She took a step towards him to slap him again but shouting down at the end of the deck startled her. Rogers had taken another step back, bringing even more distance between them. That's when her eyes looked past him again, recognizing the young man storming down the dock. In no time he had pushed past Rogers and stood in front of her, hazel eyes searching her face, recognizing her fury.

"Miss Potts..." He took another step towards her and reached for the hand she was still ready to strike at Rogers with. He only held two of her fingers, softly squeezing them, still fixing her with his eyes. "Pepper... don't... don't do this to yourself."

She took a deep breath, her face still set in rage and determination. He searched her face for any sign of retreat. With acceptance, he gave a short nod. He let go of her hand and turned to firmly plant himself between her and Rogers. She could see the Captain's glance wander from her face to his.

"Captain, you need to leave now."

"Kid, I know you mean well, but there's a lot going on here that you don't-"

"I've heard that line before. So shut up, Rogers. And _you_ don't get to call me that. My name is Peter Parker. You are not welcome here. Now get the fuck off this property."

Rogers exhaled with resignation, his eyes turned away from Peter back to her. "Pepper, please..."

Just as she was about to jump on Rogers again, the boy stepped closer to her obstructing Pepper's views of the man and blocking the gaze he had set on her.

"She's been quite clear. She doesn't give a shit what you want, Rogers. Leave!"

He sighed again, eyes cast down to his feet.

"I was just-"

"Yeah, yeah, we know all about your good intentions, _Captain_. Now get your ass the fuck away from this family!"

Pepper's lips involuntarily curled up in a soft smile, hearing Peter's voice ring fierce, dripping with so much snark, her husband would have been beaming with pride. She stepped closer to him, her hand reaching for his lower arm, making sure he would hang back, would stay with her. The shift in positions also brought Rogers back in her view and she could see his pleading eyes settle on her once again. He sighed deeply and whispered a soft "I'm sorry..." before he turned and staggered back towards the driveway.

When Rogers had reached the end of the deck, Peter turned to face her.

"Are you... are you alright?"

She grimaced softly. Avoiding his eyes, her hand shot up and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "What are you doing here, Pete?"

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other without moving an inch away from her. "FRIDAY has been keeping me updated on you. And on Morgan." He smiled at her apologetically. "I know, I haven't been around a lot. I didn't... I didn't want to intrude."

She reached up, cupping his cheek. "Come on, kid. You know you're always welcome to visit." She looked past him towards where Rogers had staggered off to.

"It's fine. There was a cab waiting."

She let go of him and tapped at her collar lightly. "FRIDAY, is the bastard gone?"

A soft voice spoke up in her earpiece.

"Steve Rogers has left the premises."

Peter gave a satisfied nod, confirming that he had heard.

The star-spangled intruder dealt with, she thought back on what Peter had just said. It was true, she hadn't seen much of him. While FRIDAY kept her updated on him as well, she had noticed his visits were rare and usually attributable to him accompanying Rhodey or Happy, never arriving on his own.

"I told you to visit. Why would you think you're intruding?" 

He frowned, then cast his eyes down to the wooden deck. "I know that..." He cleared his throat. "Rhodey told me that... that Mr. Stark carried around a lot of guilt for... for what Thanos did. When I asked him, why he'd risk all of this..." Peter turned a bit, eyes wandering over the house Tony had built for them. "Rhodey said... Rhodey said..."

"He did it for you." He turned back around and met her eyes with a desperate wet stare as she continued. "He did it for Earth as well. For the Universe. But mostly, he did it for you."

His mouth working, but no words formed on his lips. He visibly pulled himself together, finding the courage to speak what was on his mind. "Why would... why would my... presence here be any less insulting than what Captain Rogers just did."

Pepper reached out for him, eyes still fixing his. "Honey, you never abandoned him. You fought with him even when he told you to leave. Without you, he'd never have stood a chance against that maniac in the first place." She held on to both his arms, anchoring him in front of her. "Without you, we would have had nothing. No extra time. We wouldn't have a daughter. Morgan and I, we owe you so much."

The tears in Peter's eyes spilled over and ran down his cheeks. "I wasn't close enough. I... I should have been so much closer." He hiccuped as she pulled him close.

"Please don't." Her voice failed her as he shook in her arms. "You... you did your... your best to help him, Pete. That's... that's so much... so much more than I or Tony had any right to ask of you."

He clung close to her, his breaths uneven. Her heart hurt as her mind sent her back to a memory of when she had been standing in the exact same spot, comforting Tony instead of Peter. It had seemed hopeless then, that they'd get any of them back, let alone all of them. The loss so great and no solution in sight. But Tony had done it. He had risked it all and won back everyone, losing himself in the process.

She knew that there was no hope to change anything now. No way to bring him back and with Tony gone, even if there'd be a way to save him, there was nobody left who would be able to figure it out.

Pepper kept her arms around the boy until he stopped crying. Then they settled down, sat between the candles on the dock. The light had faded and quietly they both looked up into the sky.

"We sat out here so many times, talking about how lucky we were that we still had each other." She looked over at Peter. "He did feel guilty that he lost you, kid. He felt guilty that he couldn't stop it, couldn't fix it. He fought that... that desire to move on all the time. But in the end, he did try. For us. For a while."

She had her gaze turned out to the water again when she heard him chuckle. "He was such a stubborn bastard."

Pepper huffed a dry laugh in response. "He sure was."

Peter fell quiet next to her before he sighed deeply. "I... I miss him so much. So, so much. I miss him every day. This isn't fair. It's just not fair after everything he did... everything he risked... He would have deserved to be here. To have a life with you and with Morgan. With all of us." He exhaled again, his soul radiating sorrow and pain. "I fucking hate this."

She reached out for his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Me too, kid. Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> I might have been able to get over losing Tony more easily if after all of Rogers' speeches of selfless heroism and sacrifices he'd have had anything he had to sacrifice for the win but in the end, the star-spangled virtuecrat got it all. He survived the biggest battle Earth ever faced, he got the girl, we know that they got to live happily for decades and his best friend got fixed and is about to head into the sunset with Sam (the one character I actually really dislike). Maybe Tony's death, Tony's loss, his family's loss, never seeing him work with Peter again, maybe it would have been easier to stomach if Tony hadn't been alone in his sacrifice. 
> 
> I was pretty certain Tony would be the one wielding the stones in the end. Like many probably did, I'd suspected he'd lose his left arm, but I was wrong, which became painfully obvious by all the conclusory scenes he got during the film. Thinking back I don't think I've ever had my favorite character die in any of the franchises I love. Heavy losses, yes, but the core people I cared for usually made it. So maybe that's why this is hitting me so hard.
> 
> So far while generally being Team Iron Man I had my problems with what Steve did and how he treated Tony, basically since they first met in Avengers. There has however always been room for redemption for Steve in my book. I'd never really expected the MCU to offer me that in any satisfactory fashion, but I wasn't expecting them to fuck Tony over as much as they have in the end while giving Steve everything. The way the movie (and the MCU most likely) ended for Steve's character has left me more upset than ever. I hate what they did here, I truly, truly hate it. Maybe with time I might one day get over it and see the end as the heroic arch it is supposed to be. But today is not that day. Today I am sad and furious.
> 
> Writing this has been extremely cathartic for me today. And I hope - if you came here feeling lost and sad after watching Endgame and losing Tony - it might bring you some comfort as well.


End file.
